Annette finished in 10th place in the Humour/Novelty category of the Australian Songwriting Contest 2024!
The goal had been for any of my songs (I entered 8 songs in the competition) to get on the board. That has now been officially accomplished. I can not take on a new goal for next year’s competition: to get on the board with a song that is NOT about boobs. Wish me luck.
Annette was re-mixed and re-mastered June 2023.
When a line of a melody occurs to me I try to record and save it on my phone to be considered later. Sometime the melody is already attached to some words but often it occurs to me without any context. When that happens I try to fit some words to the melody so that I can identify it later.
In 2015 Eve and I were traveling through Queensland and stopped for a night at a remote cattle station. While taking a shower the first line of this song came to me. When I tried to match it with a few words the first line of Annette came to me. The words fit perfectly and I figured they’d be a good placeholder until I could think of more appropriate words.
And I tried to do just that for a long time, but appropriate words just refused to come. Eventually I gave in and tried to build on the first line. I liked the melody and, over the next three or four years, I built the rest of the song.
I figured that I didn’t have to perform it for anyone except for close friends. But those friends seemed to like it and didn’t seem to find it offensive. So, with some misgivings, I’ve decided to release Annette. It might have no redeeming social value but I, for one, think it’s funny.
Annette Funnicello taught me ’bout boobs
I was just a little fella, and back then boobs were news
I remember seeing Annette on black and white TV
A mousekateer from the Mickey Mouse Club entering puberty
That was a lot of years ago I was only nine or ten
Pretty soon my own hormones decided to kick in
Boobs loomed large in those years, but I guess that’s no surprise
Testosterone had direct control over both my eyes.
But it’s kinda hard to hide
If you’re caught there is no way
It can ever be denied
So I pretend that I don’t notice
I don’t pay ’em any mind
I simply wear dark glasses
And act as if I’m blind
As an adolescent boy I’m sure I had no choice at all
I remember Farah Fawcet in a swimsuit on my wall
She added a couple details that brightened up the joint
Everything was new to me but i still got the point
But even while my hormones were distorting what was true
I learned that there were rules about what I could say or do
It seemed that staring at a woman’s breasts always annoys
And I should never talk about boobs except with other boys
I know they’re just a body part
Let me say in my defense
I recognise this obsession
Don’t make any kind ofsense
When I go to the beach, watch a movie
Or see anything on the tube
I get to see that it’s not just me
The whole wide world loves boobs
These days I’m much older my reactions more sedate
I’ve seen so many breasts over so many years that their power is not so great
Still if I met young Annette simply out there on a stroll
My eyes might take a short detour – it’s not in my control
Trust me, it’s not intentional it’s simply out of my control